I have a confession to make

I have a love hate relationship with the idea of blogging. I love to write. I always have. When Becca (the best friend) and I moved to the Philippines the first time we started a blog (5 years ago...crazy). It was something I always looked forward to doing. I enjoyed sharing what God was doing and having the ability to look back on the journey. If you'd like to read some of that, check it out (pafor2.blogspot.com). We haven't really posted on it in awhile but there are really some entertaining stories. If you aren't up for "real" you may not want to read it. You may be wondering why I'm branching out and doing a personal blog. Hopefully I can answer that question.

I have a dream...a strong desire to let God use the journey that I have been on. 

I truly believe that God does not ever waste anything that we experience in this life. He created us all for connection. We all have things about our life that God wants to use as an encouragement for someone. You want to know what holds us back? My least favorite "f" word.

FEAR.  Why are we slaves to this? This is where my hate part for blogging comes in!

I am tired of hiding behind fear and keeping myself from letting God use me. For years, I have been on a personal journey of figuring out what it means to use my voice and be authentic with God, myself and others. It has not been easy. Quite frankly, it's been like a roller coaster. I get to a place where I feel like it's easy and life is good and then something happens to where I crawl back into a hole of fear, doubt and hide behind a facade. When Becca and I started Philippine Adventures for 2, we were real...as real could get. We shared the ups, the downs and the hilarious in between. It was so fun having people share that journey with us. Somewhere along the way, we lost our voice. We started having critics. People did not always agree with what we wrote. We began filtering hardcore. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with filtering what you say. I think it's important to think before you speak and we felt that we always did that before we ever posted.  It was just getting to the point where we were afraid to say ANY thing at all.

As I felt led to start this personal blog I went to God with that. I am sure I'm not alone in the fact that I sometimes let the fear of what people think get in between doing what God is leading me to do. It's a real struggle. I have no idea if this will be resonate with someone out there. If you are in a place where you are struggling with fear or you know God wants you to do something and there are things holding you back, I pray that you are encouraged to just DO IT. Don't let fear of what man thinks keep you from doing something that God is putting on your heart.

I wish that I could say starting a blog was the only thing that God was leading me to do where fear of man was holding me back. Currently, this is the theme right now in my walk with Him. He is moving me to FOCUS on Him rather than my FEAR. He is moving me to do some things that are very uncomfortable and in man's sight is CRAZY.

I have to set aside the thoughts and opinions of others. Easier said than done, I know.
I'm learning to exchange:

fear for His peace. 

doubt for His truth. 

the voices of others and sometimes myself...for HIS voice. 

Until next time,
Hillary

Proverbs 29:25 "It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe."